(Feature Photo Credit Stefano Ferraris) In this episode of the Fathomland Geological Times, we estimate the mass of the alps. This is done through conversations with experts, mass balance equations, and pure fantasy.

1. Storm Gathering: An EGU 2023 Flow Regatta Adventure

A Griffon Vulture circled overhead the motley crew of hydrometricians that had gathered for the showdown at Liesingbach for the 2^nd EGU Flow Regatta on April 24^th, 2023.  The call had gone out far and wide: the winner of the showdown would achieve everlasting glory, songs would be sung, their name echoing through legend.  The losers would become, as Tom Waits predicted, just more dirt in the ground.

Storm clouds gathered threateningly in the Viennese sky behind Sherriff Salvador and his deputy Rolf as they presided over the competition. “Now each of you have.. history.. I know I do.  Some of you work in Salt, others in Moving Pictures, and we even have some Pulse Counters, and Waders among us.”  The contestants shifted nervously and eyed the others.  Alex looked up with huge Coke bottle glasses as he struggled to get into his Waders.  Each of the participants were hardened by years of outdoor living.  They trusted nobody and nobody trusted them.  They slept with their instruments beneath their pillows.  They slept lightly.  A church bell rang out at high noon.  “Bong… .. Bong!”  They all assumed the bell tolled for them and did’nt ask why..

“The rules are simple,” continued Salvador, strutting amongst the volatile crowd, “I’m going to send a deputy among you and ask you one question: What is your SWAG?  Now, for those of you greenhorns, SWAG is Scientific Wild Ass Guess.  The closest shot wins.  The furthest, well, we all know what happens to them.”  Rolf gripped his side-piece and squinted at Christoph, shown in Figure 1.

Figure 1. The motley crew of hydrometricians.  Deputy Rolf nervously eyes Christoph.  King Nick, incognito amongst the common people.  Alex suits up for the coming showdown.

I had traveled a great distance to be here, at great personal cost, from Kanada, with nothing but a duck and two small dinosaurs strapped to my back.  My instruments, the QiQuac and T-HRECS, had been developed with “Extra-Fine” resolution, “Retro Graphics”, and a “Blood Curdlin’” Quack, for times when things got real. 

Others in attendance were

1. Nick “still-post-thesis-defence-hung-over” Hutley, who was expediting the robot revolution with his “Johnny 5” inspired stereoscopic computer vision system.  I’m starting to come to grips with what this system can do: simultaneously measure surface velocity AND orthorectify AND measure water depth, so no control points required: wild, man.
2. King Nick “of the people” Everard, dressed in a conspicuously proletariat “street” outfit while constantly meeting people’s gaze and whispering “I’m King Nick”, had a radar gun and an overwhelming, nearly crippling, self-confidence
3. Alex “Go Big or Go Home” Hauet carried a 4-shooter Price AA  Ott Long Barrel Pulse Maker.
4. Christoph “Ignore That Man Behind the Curtain” Sommer had a TQ as well as access to the RQ30 installed on the bridge.

Sherriff Salvador swaggered up to me, squinted through his years of experience and skepticism, spat on the dry earth (instantly evaporated) and said “You’re not from round these parts.”

“No sir, I’m from Kanada!” I said brightly.

Salvador spat again, (shpshh) “Well, Kanada, I hope you’re smarter than you look,  I’m deputizing you,” and he slapped a deputy badge on my chest.  “Go get me the SWAGs from these fine folk.  Alright Rolf, Round ‘em Up!”

Deputy Rolf sprang to action “Hiya! Get along there! Go on, Giddup!” and the hydrometricians started and were herded away! 

I quietly collected SWAGs, shown in Table 1.  I’d like to point out that Alex had more time than anyone else, more than 20 mins, but still complained about being rushed for his estimate.

Nick Hutley had Johnny 5 setup on a ladder and recorded something like shown in Figure 2.

Figure 2.  The twisted view of our demise at the hands of the Robots Overlords (courtesy Nick Hutley.) To avoid the wrath of the robots and Roko’s Basilisk, I wholeheartedly endorse their eventual reign.

Image velocimetry uses correlation of surface features between successive video frames to estimate the surface velocity.  The image must be orthorectified, and an estimate of cross-sectional area and bulk-surface velocity made. Radar uses the frequency (red) shift between outgoing and incoming radar waves to calculate and average surface velocity.  It again, needs an estimate of the area and bulk-surface velocity ratio.  Both methods are non-contact and can be made relatively inexpensively, and continuously. 

Salt Dilution assumes that NaCl, the tracer, moves completely past the downstream sensor, after being fully mixed across the channel.  This was a challenging site for two reasons: 1. The channel was relatively smooth with only a few riffles, and 2. The background conductivity changed significantly.  Mixing was incomplete on the first injection.  The background ECT varied by more than 18uS/cm over the course of the second measurement at 13:20, but an upstream sensor was used to compensate for the changing BGECT, shown in Figure 3.  The upstream signal was transposed to the downstream site by time, frequency, and EC.T offset. 

Figure 3.  The changing Upstream (U/S) BG ECT is transposed to the downstream site by transit time, frequency, and ECT offset.  The red line indicates the injection time and the signals are set equal at the first green collection of points.  This results in a Q of 0.56cms.  Without having the U/S BGECT signal, depending on where the measurement starts and ends, the SDIQ is between 0.38 m³/s to 0.56 m³/s.

The official hydrometric record from this site is a bit inconclusive.  The Q is only reported with 0.1 m³/s resolution, while the stage was provided within 0.1cm.  After construction of a nominal rating curve, we get this estimate of Q.

Figure 4. The Station Q was provided by the Water Authority, with a resolution of only 0.1 m³/s, while stage was to within 0.1cm.  After building a nominal rating curve, we can see that the Q was about 0.57 m³/s between 13:00 to 13:10.  We do not have any stage data prior to this at 11:00 and 12:00 when other measurements were made.  The SDIQ at 13:20 from the QQ was 0.56 m³/s the Sommer TQ reported 0.47 m³/s.  The measurements and times are reported in Table 2.

So from these tables, we can not be certain what the “true” flow was.  The water level appears to have been dropping, but we only have records after 13:00.  The current meter flow was 0.43 m³/s at 12:00, but the station Q was >0.56 m³/s prior to 13:00.  The QiQuac measurement using the Upstream sensor correction was also 0.56 m³/s, agreeing with the station Q, but larger than all the other measurements taken concurrently. 

At the Saloon afterwards, the Oberlaaer Dorfwirt Gastronomiebetriebs GmbH&CoKG, while food, drink, and laugh were flowing, I declared “That’s good value, you get more water with the QiQuac device!” to which Sherriff Salvador chuckled and said, “Well, maybe we will never know the true flow, ever, but we can certainly say this: Alex Haute gets the award for DFL with a Q of 1.6cms!  Kate and Deputy Rolf share the prize for the most accurate SWAG. Let’s Party!!! Yeehhaaaw!!”

The storm clouds that had threatened earlier in the day parted and the glorious sun shone through on our little Austrian party, where comradery, friendship, and the spirit of competition warmed the hearts of the attendees.  Alex, still sore at winning the DFL award, burst out: “Well if it wasn’t for my estimate, the average SWAG would have been much lower!”

Sherriff Salvador, laughing, smacked Alex on the back and said, “Hahaha, It’s true! Often the average of the SWAGs is very close to the true Q, and your wildly large estimate helped us get there.  No matter! We all had a good time, learned something new, and you’re all invited back to town for the 2024 EGU Flow Regatta!  Yeehaaww!”

Table 1. SWAGs

Table 2. Measurement Results

Method	Time	Q (m3/s)
Current meter full version	12:00	0.43
Discharge App (video)	12:00	0.446
TQ	13:20	0.468
QiQuack	13:20	0.56
Hutley Roboto Overloard	12:00	0.395 to 0.584
SVR	12:00	0.5
Current meter Nick’s cut*	12:00	0.57
*1pt per vertical, 3 verticals

2. Introducing: The Diving Scaup Weight

Sometimes we need a little help from gravity and mass. The Diving Scaup Weight is a specially designed collection of quarks and leptons that speed through the Higgs field (1) and produce just the right mass (spacetime distortion), keeping our T-HRECS (tiny dinosaurs) probes submerged. They can also work as hammers, nunchucks, an uncomfortable necklace, a warning, a talking stick, an executive desk sculpture, or an idol.

Offered at $750CAD for a pair, they come in a bag with a handful of nuts and bolts thrown in for good measure.

(1) We tried constructing the weight from particles that don’t interact with the Higgs Field, ie photons, but the probes didn’t stay underwater, and they were too bright to look at.

3. Olen Creek in the Italian Alps

Stefano Ferraris is quite proud of the Politecnico de Torino. It’s one of the oldest technical schools in Italy. Figure 6 is the main hall. On the banks of the Po, we look out one of the windows to watch rowers battling the current. Strange what humans do for fun.

Stefano studied hydrogeology in France, but would commute back to Torino on the weekends to be with his wife, who is an architect. Stefano is a handsome fit young man of barely 60. I attribute his youthfulness to his running regime. He’s runs several marathons, but what is really impressive is the Tor de Geantes. This is an (up to) 6 day race through the “Geantes” the name of 5 peaks in the Aosta Valley north of Turin. A grueling 330 kilometers with over 24,000 meters of elevation gain, sleep is optional. He placed 213 overall (out of 383 finishing, 740 starting), finishing the race 135:41… hours. Strange what humans do for fun.

But Stefano grew up in the mountains. He’d skip class to bolt up some peak or another with his buddies. These river valleys that weave their way into the crevices of the alps are his home and his playground. His father also grew up in the mountains. During during WW2, when Italy switched sides at the King’s order, he had to hike 5 days through the mountains to get home, avoiding both Germans and Allies.

He prefers to use horses over helicopters for field work. Helicopters are expensive and can be difficult to get into places with the clouds roll in. He relayed one story, as a youth, hearing the helicopter somewhere outside the fog, while he laid on a narrow ledge, his finger nearly severed off from a falling rock. His two friends had to leave him to go and get help at the nearest hut. He shows me how his finger doesn’t bend anymore. Same finger on my hand that doesn’t bend when I told my Dad I didn’t need proper shoes or gloves to move a freshly cut 20′ long heavy steal pipe. Also, Horses are easy on the environment, and the extra time cost offsets the helicopter costs.

Speaking of horses, this is a picture I drew of an Appaloosa.

We installed Stefano’s autosalt on Olen Creek in the Piedro Valley. To get to the site we take 3 cable cars, two out of the Aosta Valley and one down into the Piedmont valley. I can’t recommend enough the alps for hiking and seeing. There are huts everywhere, there was a hut at 4554m!

Figure 8: That’s Rifugio Capanna Regina Margherita hut up there. Not the most comfortable, but it’s the highest building in Europe, apparently.

The Olen Creek site itself was quite easy to get to and setup. One confounding factor is a small tributary that enters between the upstream injection site and the downstream AT probes, but the mixing is sufficient between the confluence, so we will build a rating curve based on the total flow, although the water level at the AQ will only measure water flowing past the AQ site.

This system is telemetered with a TRB142 modem with RS232 for two way communications. This allows us to sync files as well as change settings and perform system diagnostics. The TRB142 draws about 100mA, while the AQ only draws 0.8mA asleep(continuous), 20mA during a wake(15min interval), and 2-3Amps during pumping (depending on injection schedule, 1-20 times/week). So we don’t want the TRB142 on all the time, we attached it to a Renogy wanderer charge controller with a 4 hour wake period after sunset. It appears to be working great. While the TRB412 could draw down the battery and prevent AQ operation, they are electrically isolated, and solar charging appears to be excellent so far. The AT probes are about 400m downstream.

Its early days, but so far it’s made 16 injections, but due to poor LoRa comms with the downstream sites, we’ve only been able to process 11 so far. The data is stored on the SD cards, however, and we should be able to get them next field trip.

The rating curve at Olen is coming along but needs a larger range of measurements. Stay tuned to the AutoSalt Gallery for more updates.

4. USGS 2023 National Water Data Training Workshop: Phoenix Arizona

“It’s going to be hot!” they said. But it wasn’t. A storm rolled in, a small disturbance spinning off from Hurricane Hilary, part of “Monsoon Season.” It actually rained the day we arrived for the USGS 2023 National Water Data Training Workshop. This was a closed door event that we were invited to as vendors, at the insistence of John Mazurek and Lewis Craghead. It was nice to see the SAWSC gang: Kaci, Jess, and other USGS troublemakers, Travis, Kara, and Kaylie. Loyal readers will remember some of these names from In Other Worlds from 2022’s venture into the world of SAWSC. Just like on an icy road in winter, Salt Dilution is starting to get some traction in the USGS! My booth, shown in Figure 14 didn’t get a lot of traffic on day 1, just a few curious onlookers to kick the tires, look at the new map, stared quizzickly at the duck sitting on a toilet. But after John, Lewis, Kaci, and Jess’ presentations on day two, and the fact that they told a crowded room that one of the vendors upstairs had equipment that quacked, interest was piqued. It was time for my demo.

Shown in Figure 14, we’d bought a table fountain, and drilled a hold in the rear reservoir to allow the water to pass over the probes in the back without any circulation. A pico-mag lifted from an AutoSalt was used to measure the flow as it was pumped from one reservoir and into the fountain. The fountain ensured that there was good mixing. At the suggestion of Fenella, I used the two reservoir system to ensure we didn’t measure the same water twice, although John and Travis and I agreed IF you had an upstream sensor measuring properly, you could remove this influence. Trials back at Fathom HQ proved difficult though. Still, I was pretty nervous as I started to gather the various onlookers to my booth for a live demo. After explaining the method and system, I started the pump. The clock was ticking. The pulses looked good, the pico-mag read 32 ml/s, We were getting something higher, about 0.039 l/s on the QQMobile app, but the QiQuac was settling in, both probes on 1.4… 1.4l/s… 1.4.. why? With 12 or so people staring at me, I stared back at them, and I couldn’t figure out what could be resulting in 1.4. I pointed accusingly at the QiQuac and said “I don’t know why that is 1.4, but the QQ mobile app is telling me 39 ml/s… That’s it, that’s the demo.

3 kind people clapped, a great guy, Lucas I think, said, “It’s ok, we saw in John and Lewis’ and Kacie’s and Jessie’s presentation that it does indeed work.”

“Thanks, ” I said.

Later, as my brain cleared from the adrenaline that had flooded it, preparing me to fight or flight, I remembered that I’d set the QiQuac to cfs for Lewis’ demo… … Oh America! Why must you be so obstinate! Was it because of the Boston Tea Party? Over taxation? An absolute revulsion of anything European! But the metric system is German/French? The same people that gave you the Statue of Liberty and Beer! This is on the same, yes, the same scale, as the crash of the Mars Climate Orbiter in 1999 due to a metric conversion error. While NASA actually lost a 125M$ Spacecraft, Fathom Scientific Ltd lost 125M$ in potential revenue. Will America please move on and join the rest of the world, before Fathom looses another 125M$.

At any rate, I think the booth was a success, people luvved the map featuring John, Lewis, and others. And despite the fiery ball of adrenaline and stress that was my demo, people appeared to understand the concept and began to entertain the idea of Salt Dilution.

As I was walking around the booths looking for some way to come down from my harrowing 125M$ ordeal, I saw an inviting sign at the YSI booth “YOU! are invited! to the 75th birthday of YSI!” Of course, I was excited at first, “Me? a lowly vendor from Bowen Island, B.C, Canada?” However, my scepticism kicked in. It all rang a bit hollow, since YSI is owned by Xylem, our corporate overlords, most likely a consortium of oil money that saw water as the next oil and started buying up water related companies. Or worse/better a front for an alien civilization looking to subjugate humanity and “develop” the planet. Still, Xylem, if you’re reading this, Fathom is open to offers..

I went to a random Xylem worker at their sprawling booth. “Hi!” I said brightly. “Am I invited to this event?”

“Hello! There!” he said in an obviously poor emulation of human speech. “I’m so sorry, ” he said, but no empathy passed across his visage, “but this event is only for USGS employees, and select Vendors”. I searched, I really did, for some indication that he was sorry, but his grinning face, and the small bit of exoskeleton showing beneath his eyelid gave away his lack of emotion.

“No problem, ” I said, “I understand..” but guess what, I intentionally _didn’t_ understand. I told John about this grievous insult by text, hinting strongly that he and his cohorts should not attend the event out of protest.

“Yah, alright Gabe,” he replied. Then.. nothing.

Danielle (my gluten free girlfriend or gf² for short) and I sat on the balcony of our golf resort airbnb and enjoyed the amazing thunder and lightning storm, drinking wine and chatting about the day, me cursing the remnants of the British imperial measurement system. With my feet up on the metal railing, we watched as the lightning moved closer and closer, counting the seconds as they decreased. Until finally, with a resolute “Blam!” the lighting and thunder had no delay. “Wow, ” I exclaimed, “that’s the closest I’ve ever been to a lighting strike, removing my feet from the metal railing.”

The next day I got this text from John,

and replied with this

John later told me it was actually a lot of fun, and actually he DID see me outside the glass. So, good work corporate overlords, you really hit the mark.

Later that night, after a round of Hibiscus Sours, and fairly decent pizza at Pizzeria Bianco (supposed featured in the Netflix series “Chef’s Table”), as we sat around chatting with Lewis, John, Kacie, Kaila and Kara, I realized how much we humans have in common. Maybe Xylem Global Investments & Human Requirement Holding Co. (XGI&HRHC) have it right: we all gather around water. The shimmering outlines, the community, the peacefulness. I hope we can mature as a species and, like kindergarteners, learn to share, although it goes against many of our base instincts. To bring it into focus, I quote from XGI&HRHC’s mission statement, translated from Xylemic:

“Human’s require water for survival. Possession requires measurement, and our vision is to completely control this species’ ability to measure water by 2030. We will then subjugate the human population in preparation for the arrival of the queen Xylacidae. We will liberate our primitive cousins and force the human population to perform menial labour to serve them while we exploit the planet’s resources. That is, unless the humans learn to Empathize with The Other. Long Live Queen Xylacidae!”

So let’s embrace Each Other, because empathy is our only hope for survival against the coming alien invasion.

5. QQMobile

There have been a few updates to the QQMobile app, mostly to do with saving files. The app will now save files as it receives the data, so no sad “wtf,,” moments if you walk away from the QQ or your phone dies. When there is an error uploading files to the salt portal, you can now get at your files on your Android device. Simply click on the Copy button next to the file name and it will tell you where to look for the files.

6. KTS Updates

We are pleased to announce several improvements to the Kronos! lord of Time Series (KTS). Our sushi chefs are still hammering away on the Bento Box meal. At the top of my list is the Gauge Level Checks tool. This table will accept your discrete site visit information, ie Watch DateTime and Time Zone, Datalogger DateTime, Staff Gauge, Dipping Point value, Datalogger stage, Notes, Party!, Etc and convert that to a correction vector for your Datalogger stage. The correction vector can be steady (i.e. Pressure Transducer (PT) moved) or interpolated (sensor drift). This can then be viewed and modified in KTS. The mockup below is what we are working on.

Otherwise, we are building up our hardware database to go along with telemetered AutoSalt systems, as well as T-HRECS and QiQuacs. The hardware database will help us keep track of devices, where they were last used, their warranty status, repair status, build/ship/delivery status. We will track T-HRES calibration, AutoSalt brine level, battery level, and cellular connection. The AutoSalts will call into the KTS and send their time series data so that measurements will appear online automagically. In addition to these big database tasks, we have added more functionality to the KTS, including:
1. Selectable ranges for modifications
2. A new Interpolate function
3. Savable Plot views
4. Optional line/point plots
and much more!

7. Family, Science + Magic

You may have heard talk around the water cooler about Fathom’s Next Epic Folly: Family, Science + Magic. It’s a small Kickstarter Project with the aim to provide Fathom Customers with top drawer Water and Science related entertainment. We are well on our way to our funding goal of $10,000, and as a special bonus to Fathom Scientific customers, we are offering a 10% discount on Fathom equipment for those who pledge for the Hoodie reward and a 5% discount for the T-Shirt. Plus you’ll get guaranteed minutes of escape from your own troubles to focus on other people’s troubles. But act fast! The campaign ends Mon, October 9 2023 7:08 AM.

Hot off the press! Pledgers will be added to an exclusive Pre-Christmas Premiere and Afterparty for “The Opening.” Act now!

8. Fathomland Explorers and Cartographers Club (FECC)

Fathomlanders! The Fathom Explorer and Cartographers Club (FECC)(2) has been busy the last year, and we are excited to reveal the fruits of their effort. Voila!

The northern realm of Fathomland. It was a perilous exploratory mission and many good men and women were lost (they didn’t die, they just got lost, it’s an amateur club, so we’re still learning). Although the time spent wandering these lands was fleeting and all too short, the stories will live on in Fathom Lore, the memories we cannot erase, no matter how much therapy.

There was the time Jeremy Spurway was leading his mushroom picking club through the mushroom forests of Spurway, when a misidentified death cap was consumed by one of the junior members, sending him on a long spiritual journey down the paths of memory and perception. While Troop Leader Spurway administered pleasant thoughts and safe space to the trooper, they were unfortunately/fortunately set upon by Rolf’s Marauding band of Vagabond Hydrometricians, who were also _all_ on a mushroom trip. Things got really intense and really deep really fast. It was unclear at time who were the marauders, and who were the maraudees. At one point after a trooper innocently asked “Why are you doing this?” The question fused with an existential crisis that had been growing in the darker corners of Rolf’s own mind, and together with the Moody Blues soundtrack that his bandmate was playing on a bluetooth speaker, he had an epiphany of tectonic amplitude. He started to give all of his belongings to the trooper, and demanded the others in his group do the same. When some of the less enlightened members refused to give up his shoes and hat, Rolf became enraged and a mutiny ensued. 

In the ensuing row, Jeremy gathered his troop and slipped into the shadows of the mushroom grove, barely escaping without carrying almost twice what they brought with them. 

Rolf’s group is smaller these days (not all vagabonds understand Rolf’s vision of giving to unsuspecting travelers) but can still be found travelling the road between Sasotek University and the Mushroom Groves of Spurway, alighting on unsuspecting travelers to gift them with woven baskets, electrical inventions, good advice, insights, observations, and poetry. They live on the sustenance provided by the forest, or what’s left when competitive marauding groups fall on them in the night and gift them with their own knicknackery, goodwill, arts&crafts in whats been termed Night Gift Raids, or Nifters in the Vernacular.  

9. University of Lancaster: Heltondale EA Station AutoSalt

This just in! Heltondale AutoSalt captures Big Qs with a Little AutoSalt! After a few hiccups (LOL!), the Heltondale station is finally off and running. With updated firmware and boost converters, this station waited patiently for the storm, biding its salty brine, preserving its battery until the big Typhoonigator hit on Tues-Wed Sep 19-20, 2023. I don’t know yet what return period this event was, but

The Met Office has said the county will be hit with the heavy rain and some flooding from early on Tuesday morning and into Wednesday evening. It added that over the course of 36 hours on high ground across the North West that up to 200 millimetres of rainfall could accumulate.

I know the PT came loose because I have excellent agreement between the pumptime-flow meter pulses-dH-Volume. The dH derived volume and flow meter derived volume are almost exactly the same. I’d just need a regression to solve the pumptime vs injection volume.

Plus I can see a drop in the stage at Sep 20, 2023 at 6:15. Because the AQ uses the CrkH to derive the RCQ, and decide how much brine to inject based on the prescribed dosage, the dosing (VolInj(l) also dropped.

Still, even using only 220 g/cms dosing, we got decent measurements. The injections all look good, but if it was truly 8.2 cms in this little creek, that must have been rip-roaring.

Thanks to Dr. David Mindham for making the trek to site and collecting this data and being such an easy-going and helpful field work assistant. Big thank you to Dr. Nick Chappell of Lancaster University, and the EA-funded CIFR project, for his patience while we sorted out these bugs from across the ocean and several time zones.

10. Conclusions and Recommendations

The mass of the alps is not so easy to estimate. It depends on how many people are on them at any given time. And if energy and mass are interchangeable, and the best memories are when you expend energy, then the mass of the Alps is equal to the sum total of the memories of those that have spent time on them. To conclude:

• Spend time in the Alps to give them their mass.
• Don’t mess with Sheriff Salvador
• We’ve cracked the Higgs Field problem by weighing down the T-HRECS with Diving Scaup Weights, but the T-HRECS keep eating all the Leptons! Just love that strange spin, I guess.
• AutoSalts work as long as you are looking at them (Schrodinger’s Cat Situation)

We recommend:

• Always check your Q unit of measurement BEFORE doing a demo, OR… USA converts to metric.
• Invest in an AutoSalt ASAP before they are all gone.
• 5-10% off Fathom Products if you pledge to Family, Science + Magic
• There’s still room on the Fathomland Map, but get your orders in soon.

Your Pal/Vendor/Muppet
Gabe